When you just can't be selfish anymore,

 

What if things proceed the way they are?  What's going to happen to me?  My dreams?  My hopes?  My future career?  My life?  My everything?  Will the November milestone do me any good?  :')

Allah is always fair, no doubt.

 

Lose Weight !

  

Ya Allah!  Siapakah gadis kurus pada suatu masa dahulu ni?!  Ohhhhhh, kenangan silaaaammm~  T_T

Dinner semester 1 diploma .

 

The non-existent .

What's the use of explaining yourself to someone who wouldn't listen and always want to win?  I rest my case dear friend  :)

 

Dia . 5

   
Hari ni ulangtahun kelahiran dia yang aku rindui.
Sudah 27 tahun.  Semoga hidupnya sentiasa diberkati.
Walaupun jauh dari kami.
Aku yakin, Allah sahaja yang mengerti.
Segala percaturan ini.


Selamat ulangtahun kelahiran dia yang aku rindu.
Aku cuba kuat selalu tapi air mata deras bila teringatkanmu.
Sungguh aku berdoa, suatu hari kita dapat bertemu.


Ya Allah, aku betul-betul rindu.




  

Dia . 4

Aku rindu dia.


Waktu aku darjah tiga, dia tingkatan tiga.
Kami dihantar ke pusat tuisyen yang sama.
Selang kelas hanya satu atau dua.
Dia ni jenis cukup suka bergembira.


Satu hari cikgu dia panggil aku.
Tanya dia datang tak hari tu.
Aneh sebab memang dia datang dengan aku.
Cuma rupanya dia ponteng ke mana aku tak tahu.


Aku rindu dia.

Dia . 3

 

Aku rindu dia.

Aku ingat lagi waktu aku pulang dari tadika.

Mak duduk di kaki katil, teresak.

Aku pulang dengan gembira bertukar keliru.

Aku salam mak.  

Dengan lelehan air mata mak pegang tanganku, kemas.

Mak pohon jangan tipu mak, jangan lukakan hati mak.

Aku tak mengerti.

Rupanya ada kaitan dengan dia yang aku rindui.

Dia sedang menuntut di darjah 6 ketika itu.

Aku ingat lagi.

Dan ternyata, aku masih rindu dia.

 

Dia . 2

 
Aku rindu dia.


Kakakku bercerita,
dia memang suka mengusik adik perempuan pertamanya,
usikan yang seringkali menaikkan kemarahan abg sulung mereka,
maklumlah, setelah bertahun lamanya baru dapat berlainan jantina,
adik perempuan yang seorang itu terlalu dimanja,
usikan dia setiap kali tak mungkin dilupa,
rimas, tapi sayang itu tandanya.


Aku rindu dia.



 

Dia .

 

Aku rindu dia.

Aku ingat lagi setiap kali aku lihat gambarnya,

aku tertawa,

rambutnya . . .

Persis gulungan rambut palsu tuan hakim.

Aku rindu dia.

Spontan ?

 

Perbualan sebenar pada hari Rabu, 14/03/12.  Dialog tidaklah sebijik sebijan tapi seakan-akan.

 

 MUNIRA:  Kenapa muka kau, bibir kau nampak pucat?

DIYANAH:  Entah la.  Kau tak tau ke aku ada simptom penyakit membawa maut?

MUNIRA:  Apa dia?

DIYANAH:  Hidup.  Setiap yang hidup kan mesti mati.

Laju mulut menutur kata.  Bersediakah aku sebenarnya?

  

 

On time? What's that? Bull!

 

Kalau kau rasa tekanan kenal orang yang tak reti menepati masa, 

kau patut bercinta dengan boyfriend aku.

Boleh bunuh diri menunggu  (hiperbola).

  

 

Cancer .

Had a recent loss in the family. My aunt (dad's little sister), fought cancer until her last days. She's someone who made a huge impact in most of our lives. She's friendly, funny, cheerful, and all those sorts of heartwarming criteria a person could have.

To be honest, I really do not know how to put this together. How her loss has made me think, ponder, about so many things. How long could anyone of us live? No one could tell right? How did we treat the most precious lives that have been bestowed upon us? Have we filled them with ibadah and all or are we still not aware that these are all temporary? The hereafter is what's real, what's permanent, what have been promised, what's coming . .  soon enough.  Are we ready? Astaghfirullah al'azim, because only He knows that I'm not ready. I'm trying but . . oh well, humans. With all sorts of excuses. Let's pray to be better slaves to the Almighty, Allah s.w.t.

Their family portrait during the last Raya celebration.

What I faced are nothing compared to the struggles my cousins went through.  The deceased left 3 children; the eldest is married, a woman, & a man just my age.  Hope they'll always be strong.  They are currently taking care of our grandmother in Melaka.  May their good deeds come with sincerity and they will be rewarded insyaAllah.

  

Oh btw, I watched the 50/50 movie.  Truly inspiring and heartwarming.  Made me cry :')  Learn to appreciate, people .

Ps.  Al-Fatihah for the late Hajah Salmiah binti Hj. Md Said.

  

Petanda.

 

Nangis banyak pun tak guna.

Kerja lagi banyak, jangan hilang fokus ya!

Dia dah tak nak, jangan ngada-ngada.

Biarkan saja pergi, kalau itu hendaknya.

Ps.  Mata aku ada kutu babi.  Serius

  

 

Mari bercerita .

   
Orang malas memang macam ni.  Walaupun esok ada 2 ujian, 1 kuiz, dan 1 pembentangan, diri masih tegar melayari internet dengan penuh bangga.  Markah tak seberapa baru tahu nak mengadu kat bunda -____-"


Takpa la, sikit-sikit saja ni.  Sikit saja nak cerita.  Marilah, marilah bacaaaa *hasut*


Aku baru praktikal dalaman itu hari kat ULPKP (sila rujuk nama penuh pada previous post) selama 3 hari.  Hari terakhir baru diberikan sedikit tugasan menaip.  Kebanyakan masa aku guna untuk layan 9gag dan membuat nota *ehem* .  Mari mari, mari tengok gambar orang gedik :D

Kenapa hari kedua tiada gambar sesetengah daripada anda mungkin bertanya (some of you may ask) ?  Hari kedua praktikal aku jatuh pada hari Khamis, 17 November 2011 di mana pada tarikh tersebut aku dan rakan-rakan telah ditugaskan untuk mengendalikan satu acara explorace yang diberi nama Envi-Hunt.  Maka, sepanjang hari pada tarikh tersebut aku tak dapat punch card masuk pejabat lah.  Pfftt.  Mana ada kena punch card pun >.<


Cerita seterusnya:
Mari ikuti sesi balasan SMS aku bersama abang dan kakak tersayang :')  *sob sob*

Ahad, 20/11/11, 10:06 pagi  (AKU)

"Kt shh alm?  Anta gmbr aisyah plz.  Boring laaaa prktikal kt ofis ni"

Ahad, 20/11/11, 11:27 pagi  (UDA)

"Sori x bls.aisyh tdo.gmba latest"

Ahad, 20/11/11, 11:28 pagi  (AKU)

"Fuiyo muka bdk bijak!  K thanks, hehe"

*dalam hati, menangissss*

Isnin, 21/11/11, 10:23 pagi  (KAK NGAH)

"W/pun demam, tetap tdo penuh b'gaya.. :-) "

Isnin, 21/11/11, 12:09 tengahari  (AKU)

"Bila rsult scan dia kuar?  Ni yg nk blk ni.  Tp byk keje :'( "

Isnin, 21/11/11, 12:35 tengahari  (KAK NGAH)

"Rabu ni nk g jmp Dr lg..discuss hasil scan..kalau rasa2 keje xleh siap, byk masa t'buang kt jln..xpyh la blk dulu..nnt keje xsettle, lg gelabah xtenang nk study"

*menangisssss lagi !*

Ada sesiapa faham perasaan aku sekarang?  Oh jeritan batinku .



Ps.  Aku kena saman sebab memarkir kenderaan di kawasan larangan iaitu parkir staf walaupun tak sampai 45 minit.  Ok yang ini aku tak nak nangis.


 

Lelaki .

 
Kaum yang satu ini kalau sejak azali memang dah gatal mengada dah tentu dengan orang  (BACA:  perempuan) lain pun sama.  Kan?  Tengok saja cara layanan pada kita.  Bodoh, bodoh sendiri senang percaya.

Ps.  Perempuan pun lebih kurang saja.

 

This eid.

 

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin.

Ps.  Bersabarlah yang membenci.  8 hari lagi aku pergi

  

   

Stop stalking .

Nurdiyanah binti Md Yunus,

PLEASE STOP STALKING PLEASE STOP STALKING PLEASE STOP STALKING PLEASE STOP STALKING PLEASE STOP STALKING PLEASE STOP STALKING PLEASE STOP STALKING PLEASE STOP STALKING PLEASE STOP STALKING PLEASE STOP STALKING PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE AND STOP FEELING SO ENVIOUS AND JEALOUS OF OTHER COUPLES STOP FEELING SO ENVIOUS AND JEALOUS OF OTHER COUPLES STOP FEELING SO ENVIOUS AND JEALOUS OF OTHER COUPLES STOP FEELING SO ENVIOUS AND JEALOUS OF OTHER COUPLES STOP FEELING SO ENVIOUS AND JEALOUS OF OTHER COUPLES STOP FEELING SO ENVIOUS AND JEALOUS OF OTHER COUPLES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE !

IT'S NOT OKAY EVEN IF IT'S YOU BOYFRIEND'S PROFILE NO NO NO NO NO NO IT'S NOT OKAY AND STOP FEELING INSECURE WHEN HE'S BEING NICE TO OTHER WOMAN PLEASE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP FEELING INSECURE STOP STOP STOP !

Source:  Google.

Oh but wait, it's socially acceptable~  Let me just view that profile one more time.

ARGHHHH !  NO NO NO !

Ok, the couples?  They are just a bunch of show-offs.  They like to get attention.  They feel proud when people know they are currently in a relationship.  They like it when people compliment their loving attitude towards one another.  Usually those kinds of relationship won't last, God forbid.  

It's better not to announce your uncertain relationship to everyone.  We do not know what's ahead of us.  Whether that person is our other half or soul mate or significant other or not, we just never know.  I'll just have to keep reminding this to myself too.  

My boyfriend?  Oh well maybe she's just his old school mate or something.  And that he's just sharing his opinion.  Or he's just being polite.  And that I have to remember that he's a very friendly person.  Or he likes that woman.  Or his feelings changed.  Or he found someone new.  Or he got tired and bored with me.  Or he doesn't feel that I'm important to him anymore.  

NO DIYANAH NO !  STOP TAKING THINGS SO NEGATIVELY STOP STOP STOP !  HE LOVES YOU (yeah right) WITH ALL HIS HEART !  HE WON'T GO TO SOMEONE ELSE NO NO HE WON'T NOT EVEN AFTER YOU GUYS ARE MARRIED !  HE'LL LOVE YOU TILL DEATH DO BOTH OF YOU PART !  

Hmm, okay.  As if.

Next time someone asks me why did I stalk his / her profile:

Hehe ;)
Source:  Google.

  

I really have to stop doing it.  Have to

  

Hati.

 
   

Hati sering dipijak berkecai jua.

Dibuat tak endah merajuk dia.

Jangan berbaik bila perlukan.

Dibuang bila sendiri tak keruan.

Usah dituduh dia bersalah.

Saat dia mula mengalah.

Jangan berpanjangan kau begitu.

Dia berubah tak siapa tahu.

Pandai-pandai menjaga hati.

Hati orang, hati sendiri.

 
Ps.  Hormat, sangat penting.  Bersabarlah hati


   

Invisible.

 

I take these pills to make me thin I dye my hair, and cut my skin I tried everything, to make them see me But all they see, is someone that's not me

Even when I'm walking on barb wire Even when I sat myself on fire Why do I always feel invisible, invisible Everyday I try to lock my past Even though inside I'm such a mess Why do I always feel invisible, invisible

Here inside, my quiet heart You cannot hear, my cries for help I tried everything, to make them see me But every one, sees what I can't be 

Sometimes when I'm alone I pretend that I'm a queen It's almost believable

 

Skylar Grey - Invisible.

I Miss You.

Sedih bila dah hampir 3 hari terlantar.  Bukan sakit yang buat sedih.  Bukan letih yang buat jerih.  Cuma rindu melayan kerenah si kecil yang tak pernah lelah dengan macam-macam telatah. 

Nur'ain Hanisah.

Oh Tuhan, segera sembuhkanlah daku.

. . . .

 

   

Kau pijak maruah diriku, kau langkah egoku, kau tendang tepi rasa hormat terhadapku, kau hina diriku, kau uji kesabaranku, kau paparkan seakan teruknya aku, kau layan aku bagaikan aku tiada perasaan.

 

Allah itu adil saudaraku, kerana iman di dada, aku masih bertahan.  Kerana penilaianmu terhadapku, tiada tandingan dengan penilaian Allah kekasih sejatiku. Kerana itu aku tutup mata, telankan sahaja.

- A Facebook Friend, Fatima Zul.

 

Well said o' friend.