By day ?

  
Nothing can prove how unhealthy and boring my life is other than the fact that I eat due to boredom & sleep 'cause I got (read:  WANT) nothing else better to do.

Well at least that's after I refused to mention about my mood swings & thinking what the heck, I got nothing to lose if I just tell anyway !

Ergh, this is boring !  And I can't stop myself from blaming the swings.  My throat hurt due to constant coughing I guess.  It's killing me even to swallow plain water.  Minor nose bleed occurred earlier this evening, really hates the smell of blood these days.  Not that I've always loved it before, but . . . you got me, don't ya?  Whatever.


Thought of starting a healthy diet but failed in every try.  I almost cried seeing my pictures 1 to 4 years back.  If I felt over sized back then, so what am I now?  A humongous monster?!  T_T

I had Nasi Beriyani + Ayam Madu from Restoran Khalifah for lunch today.  So I thought it should last until tomorrow (eheh, which I, myself doubt) & I'll just eat something light (read:  LESS CARB) for dinner.  That's only what I THOUGHT.  I got hungry by 10 p.m. & also was too bored & couldn't find something more beneficial of my interest to do.

So, I decided to eat by first, raiding the kitchen !

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I want you to know that I had the most sincere intention.  I reminded myself constantly of my target to lose some weight.  That's good right?  At least sincere & good intentions count.

However, my Sir Y messed up my mood for he couldn't leave early yet AGAIN from his office today.  Most likely would spend another one of his nights sleeping (read:  NAPPING) in his office, precisely only in his small workstation.  Not that he would come home to me anyway, but still, it would be nice to talk on the phone getting ready for bed at the same time.

Nevermind that.  All I am trying to say, my mood swung abruptly because of that.  Drama queen much?  Yeah, I know.  Teehee~  Went into the kitchen & found mum doing some cleaning.  She told me there are still a number of polystyrene of Nasi Beriyani left & just as you can tell, I ate it.

Not in full portion but yes, I ate it.

Not that I felt good about it but yes, I ate it.

Some time after 10, I ate high carb food & screwed my so-planned healthy diet.  It's not like I was THAT hungry !  If you know what I mean.  I was just feeling like eating something good, something to chew on just to pass the time.  Instead of spreading some mixed fruit jam on the bread, I chose to be fat & eat the Nasi Beriyani.  And no, I don't need anyone else to remind me how fat I got by day, I can tell that to my self.  How pathetic.

Nasi Beriyani with Ayam Madu & Sirap Cincau.

Apple for dessert. 

Please someone hire me with good pay !  Pleaseeee, I promise I'll work hard :(
I don't wanna rot obese-ly at home !  I wanna have some good office work related experiences.

I don't wanna be the lazy-ass, fat me ever again !  Please >.<


Ps.  I even wrote this entry due to boredom & planned its contents while I was having dinner with Home Alone 2 on.

Heart Attack

Just a quick update, hehe.
Got a quiz tonight and no one actually knows what to read because no one actually understands what we have learnt!  Hahaha

So here it goes.  I updated my status on my Facebook wall last night :)
And written this:

Oh well as you can see, my little sister Nur 'Aliyah Fathinah and a friend of mine, Shasha Shaharaman liked and commented on the status.

Guess who's the other person who liked my status?


- - - - - - - - -

Behold...

Yes, it's my father.
Now I'm going to cancel my Facebook account for gewwwd T_T

HAHA.
Oh and he even monitored my wall posts!
He asked emak who's Safwan (a friend of mine who posts a lot of craps on my wall -__-")


It's okaaaay.
I loveeee you dad.  Hahaha gahh

Paranoid

Each and every time I enter the classroom, I will feel something different.
Something so scary, tiring & heavy at the same time.

I feel like I'm carrying a burden; of all the problems in the world.
I always feel tired & scared not to succeed in this field I'm running on.

Dad once told me that nothing in this life will get easier.
Each and every semester I'll face new challenges & need to learn new lessons.
This semester is no exception.

I got scared of the subject English for Academic Purposes.
I got butterfly in my stomach just by hearing the Introduction to Business Mathematics subject.
I got worried if I will ever master the Mandarin Language.
I got headache just by thinking how tricky the subject Bahasa Melayu Pengurusan Pejabat might be.

I need guidance. I need the spirit to study.
I need to score just like the semester before.

Perhaps I shouldn't push myself too hard.
Trust me, I don't want to repeat any subjects just like any other sane person.

I really want to make my parents proud of me.
Especially my dad, since he has gone through hardships to bring up the family & sending me to this dungeon not only time consuming for him but also a huge sum of money is involved.



Dear my friends & family,
please pray for me :')

I miss you guys